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WASHINGTON - Due to the recent US Supreme Court ruling that the 10 Commandments in certain circumstances promotes a Judeo-Christian meta-religion, the US Supreme Court ordered all soon-to-be discarded Ten Commandment fliers in county, city, state and federal courthouses be disposed of in as a humane way as possible. To raise some money to bulldoze once-private lands, the states and local governments started an online auction to give the illegal Ten Commandments fliers to the highest bidder.

Many suitors got in on the action. The ACLU added it’s bid to throw all of the Ten Commandment papers in a fire and prance around cheering like angry feminists at a Ted Nugent concert. The Green Party bidded to recycle and reform the papers into the world’s biggest toilet, so they could finally do away with Ralph Nader, who had been giving the party the creeps with his strange social graces. The Libertarian Party wanted to use the papers to get their names in the paper and let people know they were still around after the 2000 and 2004 elections.

When it was all over, the Department of Defense won the bid to humanely dispose of the hundreds of paper-based Ten Commandments. Donald Rumsfeld spoke today at a Press Conference at the Pentagon.

“Earlier this week, the Supreme Court said that the Ten Commandments should be removed since some lost soul might be instantly converted to the JudeoChristian meta-religion. That gave us a good idea. We call it ‘Operation All Things Fun’. Our plan is to do a massive air drop of Ten Commandment fliers over all of the Middle East. Since these papers with the Ten Commandments on them have some magical voodoo powers as told to us by five “know-it-alls” we should put them to good use. In coordination with our partners, Playboy Magazine, Jack Daniels and the Playstation division of Sony, we will simulultaneously drop Play Station Two consoles, backissues of Playboy magazine from the 1960’s and 1970’s and massive amounts of Tennessee’s finest whiskey. With any luck, Habib and his three brothers Mohammad, Mohammed, and Mohammud will run towards the bottles of Jack and Playboys, and that will hopefully distract him long enough. My wife wants me to get rid of my old Playboys so even can I donate to our cause. America was called the ‘arsenal of Democracy’ during World War Two. We’ll know be known as the ‘Playround of Democracy’ now.”

“Distract him long enough for what, Secretary Rumsfeld?” asked one reporter.

“You see, these hundreds, if not thousands, of Ten Commandment papers have magical powers and can convert athiests, pagans, muslims, buddhists, wiccans and confusionists into a generic Judeo-Christian.”

“Sir, wiccan isn’t a religion.” said the reporter.

“I know, everyone knows, I was just making sure you were listening. Good catch.” replied Rumsfeld. “Once we have the middle east converted to Judeo-Christianity, we can then sell them more satelite dishes, McDonalds restaurants and Barnes and Noble bookstores. And luckily once they’re converted over, they won’t go nuts if they see a Koran turned upside down. It’ll require that Newsweek, CBS, the NY Times and other sham organizations to actually report real news, not make it up the night before like some bad college term paper, or a satire blog entry.”