ONTARIO, CANADA - (www.CBC.CA) As of 24.January.2006, Canadians awarded Conservative Leader Stephen Harper with a minority government Monday, putting an end to more than 12 years of Liberal rule. The Conservatives were in line to take 125 seats, versus 103 for Paul Martin’s Liberals.
The loss of Liberal Party domination in the cold barren wastelands of America’s future 51st State has given many once-proud Canadians a reason to weep for the future. The Canadian dollar, which was yesterday a worthless paper currency will now become tomorrow’s fireplace fodder. The news is also bad for the homeless which had been living like Third World kings on the streets of the best country north of the States. Canada’s “upstanding businessmen in the construction industry” are also having a tough time with the upcoming proposals to repeal the civilian gun ban and the upcoming laws on manditory minimum sentences on gun crimes.
“What will us ‘upstanding businessmen’ do now? Was our illegal kickbacks and graft money not enough to promote a Liberal Party victory? Who’s kneecaps to do– err, excuse me, I meant to say was, how do us fine gentlemen persuade the law makers to see things our way?
The news couldn’t be any worse for Canada’s most popular citizens, the Anti-American Americans who since the 1960’s have been swarming into Canada faster than Mexicans with fake green cards into a Home Depot job fair. Many groups of these various anti-war and anti-American Canadian-Americans are wondering what they’ll do in the coming weeks.
“How will I feed and clothe my wife and three small children if the evil McHarperHitler won’t allow me to get my government check? I would go somewhere but I just don’t know where to go now. I can’t go back to America because the citizens would shoot me. I can’t stay here because it becoming too much like those evil Red American States and their ‘Jesusland’ mentality. I’m too poor to pay for tickets to France or Germany which would likely welcome me. As a last resort I could move to Mexico tho I think the Federales would kill me because I don’t want to speak Spanish.
As so the shattered dreams of a former-American-turned-Canadian are now shattered once again because of the evil McHarperHitler.
UPDATE: In other news, Michael Moore has exploded in Detroit, Michigan. Residents of the Motor City are advised to watch out for falling chunks of bacon and lard. Seek shelter in a strong sturdy building that can withstand bacon hitting at terminal velocity.
-CBC.CA




